familiar feeling of mine.

Okay, im feeling kinda sad now, i think im going to cry tonight again. Im really feeling very down, i feel so fucking alone.

Why am i so unlucky? Let me elaborate for you whats the meaning of unlucky.
Why am i born into a girl when im suppose to be a boy and this led to my grandma having hatred in me?
Why am i always the one who's gettin hurt, taking all the blames, the one who always gives in.
Why is it that im not being appreciated by people whom i love most?
Why... why is there so many "why" within my mind?
Why can't i be happy?

If you guys was my loyal reader since year 2007/2008, you people will know what did i went through. I've been much stronger, i must admit. I never had the chance to really be happy for more than 5 months straight. I often had problems within myself, and i hate it to share because im afraid of people mocking. Low self esteem, is what i have.

I know i should never let this break up to affect me, i know i should be much stronger and learn from this failed relationship and expect better conclusion when im ready for another relationship. It is hard on me but not you.

You know the best, you should know very well whether is it hard for you. You, the second guy whom i love the most, its my fault for not being good enough, but its your fault for leaving too soon. You, do you know that you hurt me so badly? You, do you know that i am trying my best to smile every now and then? You, do you know how do i feel deep inside my heart? You, will you ever take the initiative to read my blog and know how am i everyday?

does anyone know?